Thirty years later...

   Everywhere I've gone in North Carolina and Tennessee the people I met then are mostly still around.  And most still have that spark in the eye, a smile even though working hurts, and they/we are still dedicated to that blend of living that is more American than political party--taking care of self, teams, and place.  It's been amazing to see we've existed, not fought to death in most cases, even slowly but surely thrived family and project. 

  So much sweet tea and sticking to guns.  There's a determination to see things through.  Fads come and go, but grit and being authentic has brought this area of Old Glory to an almost miraculous blend of nature and industry; culture and values.  This isn't some old stereotype.  Like the Smokies have been maintained despite good times, bad times, there is a strong sense of caring about State down here, and so being supportive of Nation too.

  Thirty years ago I took a drive on a day off from work with a daily goal to understand the next state over by photographing some reality.  The first photograph I took was the old, wearing away coffee sign.  The sight of it as dislocated from a coffee mill or factory struck me as symbolic.  In that way we'd come along as the next generation and inherited so much America much bigger than ourselves.  We were finding the remnants of a post-WWII world.  We were a different kind of human.  And our generation was miniscule compared to that of the baby boomers!

  It was and wasn't acknowledged that we'd have to spread out.  You're joking right? A person asked to some of us who'd met up a few years after college.  Nope, a real stubbornly independent person said.  Even as creatives the grouping-together thing wasn't the most effective way to read situation and make moves.  There was chance for meeting and talking about the state of things where we'd come from, and what we'd heard about where we were trying to go.  But there was also a steady unclear.

  The unclear often had to do with change happening as we'd arrive and/or settle into something.  Some of us couldn't escape the sense of being just out of step, or a moment too late.  And, that was how it was.  But the company was gone, or the management had shifted into another part of companies ever-changing.  There'd been ladders.  But we'd arrive to find even the ropes had been taken away.  Whole places must've been something.

  Just missed it.

  Late night talks over Cuban sweet AND sour food wouldn't yield argument as much as awakening.  The whole neighborhood had changed.  Oh, it has? A local writer didn't look up from reading Obits.  Are these people invisible to you???

  I AM listening.

  The pulse had changed.  While there was solid-block-suburbia, cities were being brought back to life in a mix of melodrama and bill-paying.  There'd been gravitation to strong baby boomers who'd survived the crazy eighties (somehow) and were overall the most practical people going.  Business people all.  Open to ideas of how to freshen up what works, maybe even trying to let go of what wasn't working.  They encouraged--Go for it, but be careful.  

  "Everybody knows that!" A thirty-something yelled dramatically.  At some points the information-letting got ahead of "release" and/or new deal in the works.  People would be steaming hot and pissed off.  A balance between privacy and hip-hooplah wasn't always easy to achieve.  A lot of people were learning how to be professionals as time marched on.  

  There was a difference between making mistakes and attitude though.  Old schoolers had different reasons for having had enough with some people, and many didn't walk away but would let you know, You're letting you attitude get in the way.

  Yeah?!?  But what was attitude?  What was holding on to self and not being knocked down into the cookie cutter machine?  Our-agers had come of age in a world where it was ALL happening.  You could be your parents or you could do something different.  You could stay in poverty or you could make a million bucks.  What attitude is prescribed for that kind of inheritance?

  Knock it down or I'll do it for you, a boss would say to just about any new person.  The person would have to weigh threat vs. worth of job.  Someone who'd been there might explain, that's just so and so's way.  To assume somebody else has the attitude, or to be jealous of someone else's brightness.  Some companies seemed more slave-holder than business.  Some workers mitigated.  Change in company culture was called for in many cases.  And it was often the gave a damn people who tried to explain to unknowing youth, this pretty much sucks but it can be REALLY bad, out there.

  There was more anger at out there than demand for more pay or including some kind of dignity clause in workplace policy.  Similar to now, thirty years ago, there were druggies that would never give that up; there were people who needed health care; there were "cart people".  And like understanding what changes in science could mean for disease or progress, there was unclear.

  The unclear would press its face to the window every morning, not exactly asking a person to step up, nor saying go away.  And most "issues" were slow-turning like a pig on a spit.  The majority, vague as it was without delineation, managed to get on same page largely because someone brought a bigger sheet of paper.

  Inside academia and all kinds of meetings thinking and re-thinking added to taking action was making stuff happen.  Some longtime "militants" still barked no, you listen to me at the start of every sentence, even when everyone was, but some things had been such embittered battling it was just automatic response.  And, when asked, people admitted to feelings of it could get taken away.

  Taking ownership was bittersweet for many.  It went along with lack of confidence.  Most humans would prefer to still have their other humans around, more so than finding self suddenly struggling with mantel.  The opportunities appeared out of foggy unclears, were earned by putting time in, happened despite some amount of end of the world.

  And a grassroots confidence-building movement was afoot.  To some, all along the way, it was cause to cry favoritism, cry kindness as breaching racial barrier.  And there was some amount of religious likemindedness mentality that made for a healthy separating of business and so, competition.  An overarching question became more about what is generic? than personal attitude.

  Of course, overall economy e/affects both questions.  And that was liberal-thinking applied...get the others caught up.  But like space travel, "catching up" doesn't really happen without specific factors being manipulated.  Many times since the birth of democracy nations and intellectuals come to the same wall...free market or.  And the or is not free market.  And the or has more and more "players".

  There is shift in unclear.

  To some extent we were hounding the middle agers.  We wanted to know what was going to happen to us.  Unsettled both by the violences of the 80's and early nineties (the turning of decade did not bring automatic difference) and not yet landed, or owning much of anything, we wanted someone to tell us okay.  To some extent too we could tell that the more things change the more they stay the same.  Between amassing political chants for change and having been a social bunch in schools and malls and fast food places, we were perhaps more shocked by the loneliness of most middle agers than by hearing that body parts wear out, real ownership is hard to achieve, and very few people can really claim "happy".

  What no one predicted was the terrorism lashing out of stranded well-being-wise.  And the unclear of technology turning people into isolated weapons also lashing out.  It was happening fast...technology dominating mind and heart.  Even calling out what might happen mostly brought blank stares.  For a long time before everyone was married and going in direction of family-first there was often someone to say I'll always care.

  That was part of the crusade--to keep caring.  As individuals and as professionals, to keep caring.  Not to let older people suffer at end of life, or children to have nobody, not let the planet be only a toxic waste dump, not to look away from cancers and madness, not to abuse people with personal choice...there were a lot of things not to do even when that meant contention with the obvious bulk of people not caring, or meant walking away.  In fact, a lot of young adulthood was defining ourselves.  Our parents assured, we did that too.

  Don't you care? We plead-asked about what got distilled to "cause".  Can't you see it's all connected?  Jesus.  Don't use the Lord's name in vain!  I'm NOT, I'm praying.

  The corporate boogeymen and irrepressible people catching up kept pressing in as unclear but there, for sure.  The formulas of clearcut "American" didn't seem to be working.  Or a loudspeaker such as they have in the DMZ of the Koreas kept blaring the ideas of it, America, USA, USA boiled down and blanched but without substance to superficial.  Like, just put on this Chinese-made hoodie that reads USA in tie-dye and you've got this.

  In reality, of course, it's so much more.  But between feld swoop policy that unmakes, remakes, reverbs, and rewinds policy and the machinery we've made of existence, well

  Here we are.  Mostly museumified and quotes about love and caring in country music songs.  We passed through agreeing to disagree.  Ticked off can't really get along like it was on a To Do list and we're mostly ignoring each other until an election cycle brings up that we are not even a branded USA, we are two complete opposites.  Complete opposites vying for not much of a prize.  Yet, most will agree we shouldn't let ourselves be Constantinople'd, or sluiced into a wasteland space between nations and peoples unifying, at least enough to be one nation.

  Politically depressing.  But, I look around me and most people are not fighting.  Most people are holding on to a red, white, and blue in an advertising sign--even if the sign is saying "food" in a food desert.  Even when there is only Chinese crap to buy, we steam the economy.  Or only low wage jobs to share, we don't discard our work ethic.  Even when an admistration in governance puts forth generic and all-over the place appeasing lip service, we hold on to an American dignity that we've not always owned, but have come to know through doing.